Changes.

I used to try to please people, and when they were happy, so was I. Now I can’t be fucked about what others think. Coupled with my whiplash tongue, I don’t quite know if that’s a good or bad thing.

I miss my friends and knowing that I have someone to run to when I need to feel safe. I have my own back, but it’s knowing that other people have your back too that makes having your own back so much easier.

Cry, sulk and cry some more but it doesn’t mean it’s over

it’s easy to say walk away and don’t look back but even harder to realistically do. It’s because we began to trust, all the walls we had up to protect us came down because we thought he was finally it and then he hits you with the bang. 

Life is funny, you never know who you’ll end up with. Be strong, protect yourself and don’t close the door to possibilities.

Busy like a bee at work. Loving and enjoying every single thing at work. This month, I'm the top consultant in my team! Hehe!! 

Everyone has their weak spot. The one thing that, despite your best efforts, will always bring you to your knees, regardless of how strong you are.

If there was a way that I could somehow stop myself from being selfless in a relationship, I would. In an ideal world, the more you give the more you get - but this is real life and maybe I should just accept the fact that that's not how its ever going to be. How is it that no one sees how deeply afraid we were that night? Is it something we all hide from each other, by mutual consent? Or do we share the same secret w/o knowing it? 

Okay. 

Nvm.

So it turns out to be that you can't be bothered at all. 

Thanks for saying for the sake of saying. 

Insomnia

Couldn't sleep well last night. Dreamt of him.. So Today's Monday .... Lets see if you still remember what you said on Friday.. 

I've been thinking about it the whole night yesterday... Kept asking myself what if he doesn't remember.... So what if he really doesn't? What am I going to do? Am I going to remind him? No, I wouldn't.... 

This could mean everything or nothing at all. 

Hectic week

The week felt like a year. Started work and 24/7 a day is not enough for me at all. Wake up at 6am, and I only reach home at 8/9/10/11. 8 is considered the earliest. Nonetheless, it is all good. I feel so grownup now. It is only when you really move to the next phase in your life you would treasure all the times when you were younger and so carefree. 

Skipped boozing last night coz my body needs the entire weekend to recover from the manic week.

On Friday I woke up at 5am, and reached home at 5am plus on Saturday morning. Imagine staying out for the whole 24hours. Started boozing in the evening coz my company had a ceremony. Free flow boozing. The desserts were so delicious that I had about 8 mini gula melaka cupcakes. Hahaha. Yes, I am greedy. 

My colleague 

You

I wonder how your eyes since yearned for me... not yearning, but yearning so much.

A month ago under moonlight sheets of  your solace, I held you together felt the warmth of your skin. I never wanted to show it so I kept it hidden beneath your frozen emotions and cursed sentiments.

And now at this very moment, I feel unwanted or perhaps it felt like you longed for me long enough

To emerged brave 

To put myself out there 

Looking at the same ducts where I lived a thousand days 

Right across from another sight

Wish I could have your arms to keep me warm in the cold I feel towards dreams, reality, and everything in between. It's as if something in me longs for something I can't grasp, maybe its something I lost or something I have yet to discover...

Just do it

Impulsive and mild tempered. I wouldn’t say I’m proud of these traits that I have, but neither am I ashamed of them. I have a much Better hold of my temper now, and am still working on my impulsiveness. I like being outspoken, at least I don’t border on being blunt and crude.

Life taught me so many lessons. And I’m still learning. And for now, I just want to aim high and do the best that I can do. Determination to succeed.

Seemingly Odd

When my heart no longer speaks in an audible way it used to be able to, when emotions cease being overwhelming, when stagnancy seems possibly real....

Dear you

If I stand out in the rain
Will it wash away my tears
Will a whole hesrt still remain
When my anguish disappears
If I let it truly drench me
Will the waters then recede
And if I let my jaw unclench
Will my anger be set free
Or will the rain just fall on me

At some point in our lives we've felt like giving up on something.

Time loves playing tricks on us

Sometimes the best way to avoid giving an answer is to avoid the question all together.

There are a lot of things in my life that I can do something about, but most of the time, I just leave it.Most of the time, I care, but I don't care enough to want to change anything about it.
Like right now I am lost as fuck about my life. I care enough but I don't do anything about it and I can pretend that the problem doesnt exist. 

Is it too late, or can it still be salvaged?

Your soul only feels their absence

Quote of the day.

And then I told him something simpler and just as true; sometimes there are things we don't understand even about ourselves. Sometimes we run out of the time to keep trying to unravel them, and we have to sit back and content ourselves with a shrug. But I think there are some things that we'd never understand even if we had forever to wonder. There are things that even if we had unnumbered lifetimes to think about them - we still wouldn't know.

It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than tolose that someone you love with your useless pride.

Friday

Went to playhouse for a friend's farewell party. The drinks are dirt cheap!!! Hopped to dreams for a short while.

Was invited to fenix room's soft launch. So went over to join my clique, but 1/4 of them were rather tipsy already.. Quite like the club. Neon lited buckets of ice on their tables with tons w champagnes. 

Bumped into his friend and we talked. Hopped to butter after that..

Here comes the bitchy part...

I knew that he was at butter but I wasn't prepared to see him yet.. I screened the whole area before I walked down the stairs. Whilst walking down the stairs, I heard Jophy's voice. She was 15steps in front of me. I stood still at the steps and focused my attention on Jophy, turned to my left to see who she was talking to..... & To my surprise, I saw him......... My eyes widen, my jaw dropped, my heart stop beating, our eyes met and I rolled my eyes at him and he saw it... 

I ignored him completely, pretend that he is a stranger. Continue walking down the steps, went to get my stamp and hid at a corner to prevent myself from looking at him... I saw him, he wanted to talk to me but I didn't allow him to.. Waited for XT, Jac, Johan & Danny before we went in...... Updated Johan on what happened. Bitchy me asked him ..... to pretend to be my "guy" while walking in... Crossed and held his hand, walked in like a couple with a very happy smile..  The bitchy fickle minded me still tried to look for him inside butter but he was nowhere to be found...... Why do girls do this? I hate myself for doing this to agitate him..... What on earth is wrong with me..   

XT was drunk so Jophy and Jac sent her home first. I stayed behind coz I didn't want to go home at 2am and I continue to drink as much as I could..... I was getting emotional. I started asking myself why the fuck am I doing this? Why am I destroying everything? Not talking to him only makes me a stubborn little kid. And why? Because I don’t want to be the first to say sorry? Because my pride won’t allow it? Or because I'm afraid of getting hurt by his answers? 

Fighting and arguing is normal and it happens all the time. We’ve all fought with people we love many times in our life. We’ve all lost our temper, said hurtful words in the heat of the moment, done something to upset the other person, or been hurt by the other person, and taken a stand against someone close to us. 

I once told my ex boyfriend "Making the first step to break the silence doesn’t mean that you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value the relationship more than your ego.   Be the bigger person. Let go of the anger inside you and let go of your pride. Communicate and give that person a second chance. And remember to always love your relationships more than your ego" This ex boyf valued his ego more than anything..... But why am I not practicing what I preached to him now?

I know we all need our own space after a fight. Time to contemplate. Time to evaluate. Time to cool off. Time to think things through. But eventually, you will still have to face the person and deal with the situation. In every argument or fight, there are TWO people to blame. Yes, TWO. Not one. You think the other person owes you an apology? Guess what, so do you. All those hot temper and angry words didn’t come out of nowhere. They probably came from something that you did. Something that bothered us. And although this doesn’t justify our reaction, recognizing and admitting that you too were wrong and partly to blame, makes you the bigger person.

What if no one says sorry first? What if no one makes the first step and calls up to talk about the issue? What if days, months, and years go by and no one decides to be the bigger person?  Am I gonna let this relationship die? Because of my pride? my ego? Because I'm not mature enough to deal with issues?  Nah, because I'm scared that my apology won’t be accepted.... Sigh pie..... What have I done.....? 

So back to my story, I tried to look for him the entire night.... Bump, Fash and smoking room but he was nowhere to be found.. Guess what? I bumped into his colleague, Dave!!!! Was quite happy when I saw Dave, I thought he might still be around... However, Dave asked .....

D: Where is your boyfriend? 

Me: What boyfriend?!?

D: XXX XXX

Me: F* He's not.

Later on, Dave flashed his phone at me & said "hey, your boyfriend texted me..." I became very excited, I stood closer and looked at his phone.... Patiently waited for whatsapp to load 

R: Where are you? 

D typing "I'm at buter with Angelynn......" I snatched immediately it, only managed to delete "ynn....." & he sent the msg. I stared at Dave and said "Wah lau............. "

R: huh? 

As usual, I replied "with devil" 

R: Ok lo. Enjoy. 

So I guess, somehow or rather he knew that I was the one who replied ..

We haven't talked since that night...... Sigh. 

Wish I could turn back time.....

Everyone says "don't wait too long to apologise " 

What happens between us happens in darkness, vanishes easy and often as each breath. 

Regret

Regret whatever I did(twice) to agitate you...

If only I could turn back time... 

Drama MaMa.

Not in the best of moods. Listening to ‘Better half of me’ isn’t helping at all. Never thought that the little things would be so significant and would actually cause an impact. The mind needs to stop working so hard.

When old issues resurface again, I doubt myself. It’s something in me that I still can’t change entirely. I wish I could but I can’t. It’s only a matter of time that you will eventually be put down by the same old weariness. Words, are too easily forgotten over time. Remember how we initially agreed that we’ll resolve issues together when it happen? Perhaps it’s human nature.. We tend to forget, we tend to take what we have for granted. 

Then again, human beings are just too unpredictable. Nothing is for sure in life and certain things are too good to be true. Maybe I shouldn't take things too hard or too seriously, perhaps having lesser hopes and expectations make life easier.

Sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh.... 

Wimby Lu

Dessert with Jophy, xt and Johan today.

Wimbly lu is over rated. The waffle suck. DOC serves better waffle. 

Drained

Everything has drained out of me. Every single thing. Even my blood.

My bad

Sorry....

I know I went slightly overboard last night....

All or Nothing

If you love me for what you see, only your eyes woud be in love with me.

If you love me for what you've heard, then you would love me for my words.

If you love my heart and mind, then you will love me, for all that I'm.

But if you don't love my every flaw, then you musn't love me - not at all.

What you don't know can't hurt you.

The more we know, the better we are able to deal with the situation.

As the title says, what you don't know can't hurt you.. The questions I never ask were things I'm afraid to know...

For whatever reason be it that confronts us with something we don't want to face, puts us out of our comfort zone or has a danger of bringing up controversial topics. Do we choose ignorance over truth or comfort over curiosity?

I guess ... or rather should I admit that I am afraid to learn that there is no answer to a question; the answer could be unknown or maybe even unattainable..

The answers may not be what we wished for it to be but  .... again, I think .... if we wish the answers to be the way we want it to be then there is no point in asking those questions..... If there are things that we don't want to know, then why bother asking questions about them?

Whats your purpose of asking? If you're seeking for the truth, then bear this in mind, some certain truths may not be as simple as we thought they can be... Sometimes in providing honest answers we have to come in contact of things we dont want to know at all ......

Hoshino Coffee

Been wanting to try Hoshino Coffee's food after reading all the positive reviews. 

I hardly take food posts unless I cook the food personally or it's so delicious that I want to share it with my friends. The above picts are taken by Joshua. I must say that I'm impressed with his photography skill. Had dinner w Steph & Josh. Ordered 2 mains, 2 desserts, 2 softee & 3 drinks. Bill came up to about 90bucks. 

Cheh, all the reviews I read are too exaggerating and overrated.. But you have to try the matcha softee. 

Photo(s) entry.

Our first photo last year. Hehehe. 

My failed photography. Potluck at Goh's last Saturday.

Just trying to be funny...

Jophy, Me & Andrew

My brother, Joshua & steph's irritating twist. I don't know why but my darlin loves twisting at ppl's photo.

Frm Ritz's camera. 

XT, Chips, Mario, Elieen, Matt and my sister's young angmoh friend

Mindy & I. My love & I. My BFF & I. 

Jophy & I on the oooooh yes, this is the fcuking epic night. XT's bday... I WAS supposed to take care of XT but I ended up getting dead drunk........... 

What I wore for work. 

Censored it because he looks ugly in this photo.